I Don't Know How to Walk on Water

{originally written June 6, 2014}

The storms are raging once again. I can hear the wind howling and the rain beating forcefully down. The waves are higher than I've ever seen. Then I see Jesus calling to me, but I'm afraid.  

How can I go, how can I have the faith to walk on water?

 On the hard days when I seem to fail in everything my pride tells me I'm supposed to do and be, or the times I look out on this world and wonder if I'm living up to my “potential”, I often seek guidance from the examples of my favorite Bible characters – real people who had real problems (and failures too!). The one I can't understand, however... Peter.

With his gung-ho spirit and full-out passion to follow the Lord (do you know modern-day people like that, as I do? *sigh*), sometimes I feel as if I'm messing up and missing out. Maybe I am, in a way. Or, maybe there's more to this story than at first appears. Maybe, it's not so much the attitude as it is about the faith.

We all know the story: Peter sees Jesus walking on the water and he decides he'd like to give it a try too. But just as soon as his gaze leaves the Son and hits the water, he's a drowning duck. Oh, how many times do I do the same! Over and over again...sometimes it feels as if I'll never get there; never to know that feeling of walking on the waves.

The truth is: I don't know how to walk on water.

I don't have the faith to stay afloat.

But I know my Jesus does.

I forget so many times...the real truth of every story ever written is that we will always fail! We're only one small part of something greater. Just look at the stories from Adam and Eve, to Abraham, to David and Paul; each one is covered not with failures but with God's grace!

When you and I fail, mess up, lose track of what God says is most important in life – He's right there to set us back on track again, forgive, and help us make a fresh start (just like He did with Peter, by the way). He carries us through those stormy, confusing times between faith and fear, wrong and right, yes and no.

It's Jesus who gives me the faith to stand.

It's Jesus who teaches me how to walk – and keep walking - in faith.

...Even through the storm.

Undiscovered Journey

  Autumn is my favorite time of year. The leaves begin to turn the most beautiful shades of red, orange, and yellow, and the smell of pumpkin-scented treats permeate the air. Sadly it has felt poisoned for me in the last years. I've tried my hardest to remain thankful during the hard times. Seeing how blessed I am, I know there is truly little for me to have a right to complain about with my family and a few close friends at my side, and my strong faith in the Lord and His daily presence in my 28 years...

   This year God has been teaching me about surrendering. Letting go. Leaving my life, my future, my past and present all in His capable hands. But He's also been showing me His great sovereignty.

   Past present and future, He knows it all, and I never have to attempt to explain it to Him, or circumvent my emotions to try to express beyond the hurt, or search for a “reasonable” answer to give Him for all the did and didn'ts of my life. He understands me better than anyone, even better than I know myself. So when I fail, or can't see what lies ahead and grow discouraged, I know I can trust Him to keep holding my heart in His faithful hands and help me get through it all. :)

   I like to think there's a great future ahead of me. Even with the pain, loss, and traumatic circumstances my family has been in and through in the last 10+ years now, I still hold out a hope that He has a plan for me and for us. Some days it's only that faith and hope in Him that keeps me going and from giving up.

  Up ahead of me there's this undiscovered journey – a path that's not been seen yet or walked upon, that is, until God's appointed time. And that teaches me patience in the waiting.

   Admittedly, it's been a struggle to trust in God's hand in my future right about now. In the last 2 months I've been through some changes, made some decisions, and then un-made those decisions. Yikes. It's been all up and down with my faith AND my emotions recently. “Should I? Could I? God, what is YOUR plan in all this?”, have been the questions of the day. And the one thing I'm always thankful for is God's patient teachings and love to me.

   I find myself reaching out to Him everyday, every moment, seeking and searching and waiting and wondering only to find no more answers than I started out with, and I've got to admit, that's pretty frustrating at times. That is until I realized something...

Dear friends, it's not about your destination, or the path itself,

but the lessons you learn and the closeness to the Lord that comes along the way.

Focusing on the path itself leaves me burdened.

Focusing too far ahead leaves me feeling hopeless for the future.

But trusting in God's sovereign plan, no matter how I'm feeling, always gives me peace.

  In my surrendering, God's shown me His love has been there all the while, through every pain-filled moment. No matter what I go through, His love for me doesn't change. No matter how much I change and grow, that doesn't mean He's changing – He's always faithful and true.

  So when I see that undiscovered journey up ahead of me, and the worry's and fears begin to creep in, I can surrender and trust all the what if's to Him, again and again, for as long as it takes for me to come to grips with what's just in front of me. :)

Unwrap the Gift

I love receiving gifts. Especially surprise gifts in the mail. {On another note, I love sending them too!} It's so much fun to unwrap a gift; pulling off the tape, getting into the package, then the surprise and happiness that comes when you see what thoughtful item you have been given. Then of course there is usually the tender card that usually brings a sweet smile and a tear to the eye to help you know how loved you are.

    I recently celebrated my 28th birthday, and my sister next celebrated her 25th (yes, we're getting quite ancient now. *giggles). Though there wasn't as much celebration this year because of tight finances, there was still plenty for the both of us to enjoy and take delight in. However, a few friends blessed us with gifts and small tokens of their love and affection, and cards in remembrance of our special day. I'm so thankful for these blessings, especially at a time in my life when these small tokens of friendship and love remind me that I'm not alone and have people who care and are praying for us.


    I've had a difficult few weeks with a very bad sinus infection (thanks to my brother, who shared it with us) and I began to notice how many blessings I had to be thankful for in the midst of my “trying ordeal”. It never ceases to amaze and humble me at how often the Lord comes to our aid in adding comfort during the hard times, and I've had time to ponder recently this verse:

"If you then... know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" ~ Matthew 7:11

    He knows us. And we are His children. What a truly beautiful that is! And if He knows us, then not only does He know how each trial will profit us in our growth of faith and character, but also what we need to get us through. He brings the rain to cool the hot summer's day and the note from a friend to lift our spirits. He provides for us never to late, and never too early, but right when we need Him to. And often, the blessings He sends are tuned precisely to an area where we can see His hand in our lives. Each of His blessings is a gift to unwrap and discover how much He really loves us and is watching over us.

    With my sickness came cool temperatures to take away my fever, and sunny spring days to cheer my spirit, surprise gifts from friends and touching notes of encouragement, a blanket made by loving hands and new sheets to help me sleep better at night, fresh fruit and vegetables from my aunt taking my mother shopping for us, God's provision for medicine to make me well again, a quick phone call and prayers, and time to rest instead of work. All these were gifts from my loving Father.



    We will always have circumstances in our life that we can complain about, but if we look carefully, perhaps we can see these special gifts of comfort and love God sends to us in the midst of our hardships.

What special gifts can you be thankful for today? :)

Everyday Beauty

Do you ever forget to see the joy and beauty in the little things in your life? I know I certainly do!

Even today as I sit here typing I think how my morning started off as a "Jonah Day" {you Avonlea-gals know about those}: the oatmeal I made was more like glue and bubbled over, and then it turned out we were out of brown sugar. I needed to get some dinner in the crockpot quickly because we'd be out all day, the dishes were piled in the sink, the skirt I was trying to put elastic in gave me a world of trouble and I will have to do it again...you get the picture. Let's just say it was not one of my finer moments.

I received a strong reminder when I reached the library and found this post waiting for me...

I found this lovely long-forgotten image on my computer about a week ago. It resides as my desktop wallpaper at present – a “beautiful” reminder for me whenever I'm on.

Next I read this blog post of another woman with her own difficult set of circumstances that could easily give her reason to complain. It was this article that inspired me to set a challenge for myself; each time I complain, I must find (at least) one thing that is the opposite of my complaint– one joyful, blessed reason to thank the Lord. It is far from easy to do, and I forget to stop and think of a good reason for the bad sometimes, but it's been good practice for my bad habit.

When the pantry is almost empty: the Lord provided manna for today, and yesterday, so I can trust Him for tomorrow.

When the chores pile up: At least a mountain of dirty dishes shows that God supplied food for my family to eat today.

When I am lonely or feeling unsure of my future: I am God's princess and He chose me and He will always be with me no matter what I'm feeling or what tomorrow holds.

The final was reading through the second half of my friend Sarah's latest published book, Adventures in Adversities. Funny how God can use fiction for His glory and for “instruction in righteousness” sometimes, isn't it? Though the character's circumstances are far from what my own are, she too had many reasons to complain, and yet chose to find the good in each difficulty. It's a lot like letting go; surrendering our will and our feelings of pain in this moment, and looking beyond them to see God's grace to us even in times of sorrow.

Like the Anne-girl I'm reminded that “...The sorrows God sent us brought comfort and strength with them, while the sorrows we brought on ourselves, through folly or wickedness, were by far the hardest to bear...”

We can easily make a difficult situation worse with a bad attitude. Perhaps my burdens would be all the easier to bear if I stopped focusing on the trials and remembered to see the beautiful and joyful things God has placed in my life even alongside, or through, the grievace ones. 

Stop focusing on the troubling, discouraging things in this life and instead remember to look for the good even amongst the bad, because God gives us a little of His beauty and grace for every day.

Let the Journey Begin!

A blank canvas.

A fresh start.

A new beginning.
(I just love those). 


I've been waiting a long time to start this blog. I've had the idea for months now...perhaps even up to a year, but it wasn't time; I wasn't ready. God was still doing a work in me and in my heart and I needed time for healing and to rest by His well; to be refreshed. {And to get my blog design ready! *squeal!*} ;)


There are some big God-sized dreams He's given me and led me to that I'm praying in the future I can share with you, but for now this little corner of the blog world will be the place I want to share my heart.

I'm ready for a fresh start after 5 years of blogging with my sister at Young Homemakers. I'm ready and excited to see what things God will teach me and the lessons He has prepared for me - for us - to learn.

My prayer is that here you will also find comfort and encouragement, for the lessons God teaches me I've often found are the struggles we all are facing as young women, and my desire is to be used in such a way that will bring glory to God and help to my sisters in Christ. 

 Let the Journey Begin!