Undiscovered Journey

  Autumn is my favorite time of year. The leaves begin to turn the most beautiful shades of red, orange, and yellow, and the smell of pumpkin-scented treats permeate the air. Sadly it has felt poisoned for me in the last years. I've tried my hardest to remain thankful during the hard times. Seeing how blessed I am, I know there is truly little for me to have a right to complain about with my family and a few close friends at my side, and my strong faith in the Lord and His daily presence in my 28 years...

   This year God has been teaching me about surrendering. Letting go. Leaving my life, my future, my past and present all in His capable hands. But He's also been showing me His great sovereignty.

   Past present and future, He knows it all, and I never have to attempt to explain it to Him, or circumvent my emotions to try to express beyond the hurt, or search for a “reasonable” answer to give Him for all the did and didn'ts of my life. He understands me better than anyone, even better than I know myself. So when I fail, or can't see what lies ahead and grow discouraged, I know I can trust Him to keep holding my heart in His faithful hands and help me get through it all. :)

   I like to think there's a great future ahead of me. Even with the pain, loss, and traumatic circumstances my family has been in and through in the last 10+ years now, I still hold out a hope that He has a plan for me and for us. Some days it's only that faith and hope in Him that keeps me going and from giving up.

  Up ahead of me there's this undiscovered journey – a path that's not been seen yet or walked upon, that is, until God's appointed time. And that teaches me patience in the waiting.

   Admittedly, it's been a struggle to trust in God's hand in my future right about now. In the last 2 months I've been through some changes, made some decisions, and then un-made those decisions. Yikes. It's been all up and down with my faith AND my emotions recently. “Should I? Could I? God, what is YOUR plan in all this?”, have been the questions of the day. And the one thing I'm always thankful for is God's patient teachings and love to me.

   I find myself reaching out to Him everyday, every moment, seeking and searching and waiting and wondering only to find no more answers than I started out with, and I've got to admit, that's pretty frustrating at times. That is until I realized something...

Dear friends, it's not about your destination, or the path itself,

but the lessons you learn and the closeness to the Lord that comes along the way.

Focusing on the path itself leaves me burdened.

Focusing too far ahead leaves me feeling hopeless for the future.

But trusting in God's sovereign plan, no matter how I'm feeling, always gives me peace.

  In my surrendering, God's shown me His love has been there all the while, through every pain-filled moment. No matter what I go through, His love for me doesn't change. No matter how much I change and grow, that doesn't mean He's changing – He's always faithful and true.

  So when I see that undiscovered journey up ahead of me, and the worry's and fears begin to creep in, I can surrender and trust all the what if's to Him, again and again, for as long as it takes for me to come to grips with what's just in front of me. :)