A Year of Surrender: Looking Back on 2014

The start of a new year is also the closing of another. Reflecting back over the previous year leaves me feeling more confident and hopeful for the future and the next year to come. There may have been some disappointments and trials, but looking back I have a new perspective...I made it through, and I can rest in the knowledge that God will carry me again through another year ahead.

Even more than at Thanksgiving, I find myself content and peaceful and so thankful for His hand in my life this time of year. The mistakes of yesterday are being wiped clean. The joys of today are restoring me.

I made a commitment to myself, my family, and my Lord this year. After a joyless, miserable year in 2013 I didn't want to repeat, I made a commitment to work on my attitude. I needed a clean slate, to begin again. No more allowing my circumstances to dictate my feelings. No more excuses or pity parties...well, at least I was going to try.

#surrender2014

It became my motto, stamped on my heart.

Surrender, let go, and leave it in God's hands.

Anything I couldn't control, leave it to God.

Anytime I became overwhelmed and my emotions threatened to overcome me; let it go.

When I wanted things to change, when I grew weary of waiting and being strong, when I felt like raising my fists to the sky and my lack of understanding God's ways left me feeling helpless....I surrendered to Him, my Sovereign King. My life, my plans, my wants, my dreams. Over and over. Every day, every moment if that's what it would take.

Journal Entry June 22, 2014 - “I'm grasping that part of all this surrender and letting go is giving up my need to understand the purpose of the details of my life, especially these last 10 years. It's hard not to feel that God owes me an explanation, at the very least. But slowly I'm being reminded that He is always Sovereign, and an Almighty Father. Loving and good as He is, He will not always show me His reasons for each part of the hard times, perhaps even for my own good. But God is always patient with my lack of understanding of His ways, and gracious when that lack turns to a bitter and angry heart turned against Him. He waits, still silently at work, carrying me through until I'm ready to listen again and accept His ways.”

It wasn't always perfect, but I was real with God. I was real with myself.

And He was always there. Providing. Caring. Comforting. Loving me when I messed up, stumbled, and weakened.

This year I've tried and tested my faith in God. I've prayed then stepped back to let Him work...and attempted to keep having faith even when the wait was long. I saw Him answer, not only some of the bigger prayers, but the very thoughts of my heart I hadn't even spoken aloud or expected to be answered.

 "Hasn't He already unequivocally earned trust? You can take your hands off your life - you don't have to try to save yourself. Behold Him everywhere, and be held.

Instead of explaining our struggling, Jesus shares in it - because He knows mere answers are cold and His arms are warm."

~ Ann Voskamp; from "The Greatest Gift"

In 2014 I rested fully and surrendered fully, 

and found Him Faithful.

...Dear friend, I know He can be counted on.

"Yet I will rejoice in the LORD! 

I will be joyful in the God of my salvation! 

The Sovereign LORD is my strength! 

He makes me as surefooted as a deer, 

able to tread upon the heights." 

~ Habakkuk 3:16-19 ~

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“There is strength within the sorrow. There is beauty in our tears. And You meet us in our mourning with a love that casts out fear. You are working in our waiting. You're sanctifying us. When beyond our understanding, You're teaching us to trust.

Even what the enemy means for evil, You turn it for our good. You turn it for our good and for Your glory. Even in the valley, You are faithful. You're working for our good. You're working for our good and for Your glory. You are Sovereign over us.

You're plans are still to prosper, You have not forgotten us. You're with us in the fire and the flood. You're faithful forever, perfect in love. You are sovereign over us.”

          - Michael W. Smith; Sovereign